He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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