Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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