Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
