Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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