I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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