Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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