So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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