We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
