I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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