whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
