thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
