You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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