it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
