...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
