all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
