I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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