Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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