omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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