She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
