wat bout pragnant strippers??
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
