Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
