You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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