she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
