Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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