Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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