The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
