I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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