i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
