We won't sleep together?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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