I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This is my gift to your gina
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
