when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
