Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
