i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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