i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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