you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if only i could text you this smell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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