there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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