NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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