you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
