dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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