I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found the puke drawer
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
