i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
