is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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