He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
