I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
