You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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