You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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