Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
