I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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