Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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