I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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