Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
