Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
